Monday, September 28, 2015

a REBEL yell

we've had that one time or another that we've all gone against the system
fer to trot bisexual babe...Jimmy Dean...was a rebel without a cause...and unfortunately also without quick hand/eye coordination at 85 mph  
sexy ass punker who perfectly punked up the Presley pout...William Michael Albert Broad...was about about the rebel yell
even voluptuous vixen and funny lady from down unda' REBEL WILSON made it her mark that she's all about the bark

but no one can compare to the biggest REBEL HEART in the universe
and that's the one and only unapologetic bitch...M-A-D-O-N-N-A

with her REBEL HEART tour that began sept 9th in Canuck country
the QUEEN spared no expense to the Montrealians who packed the arena fer 2 worship the woman who's entertained millions thru-out the globe for the past 4 decades
ascend'n from the ceil'n in a cage of her own celebrity status...M opened with the triumphant song about overcome'n adversity to become the "ICONIC" status that she has owned since the beginn'n of her career...

the critics are already praise'n the "REBEL HEART TOUR"...
as thee event of the year...raisin rancher Gene Shalit said he liked it better than "CATS" (that is...if he actually went to the show...i will not confirm or deny this was his actual quote)
clad in a red kimono and surrounded by medieval warriors...this is more of a phenomenal theatrical broadway production than any concert ever seen on stage...M breaks outta her cage surrounded with "a small army of dancers gracefully executing intense choreography...the show hit all the marks" said the Montreal Gazette
by the time the tour hit the BIG APPLE at Madison Square Garden...funny lady Amy Schumer opened for the legend and the Guardian gave M's Madison Square Garden show show 5 out of 5 stars say'n "there is no other performer like her"
of course no M show would be complete without nuns on the run (or in this case...stripp'n on the cross) and dancers bend'n it like beckham
 though excommunicated by the Vatican 3 times...M took time out at her stop in Philadelphia to dedicate a song to the visit'n Pontiff tell'n the sold out crowd "either he's a copycat or in love with me...rules are for fools"
 and make'n her debut fer the 1st time ever on stage in Hong Kong...the QUEEN proved her stay'n power by sell'n out the AsiaWorld Arena of all 13,500 seats in a matter of 30 minutes...the fastest sell'n tour ever by a perform'n artist in Hong Kong

 and now begins the final coutdown to her much anticipated stop in the...
Minne-Apple's twin sinister city St Paul on thursday oct help kick off the chaos that will ensue...
i...thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe will be host'n fer one nite only THEE EVENT of the year
ICONIC:REBEL HEARTS party saturday oct 3rd @ Saloon

 portion of the proceeds will help to benefit the LGBT homeless youth @

 MADONNA drink and videos ALL NITE LONG...can you stand it kittens?

come dressed as yer fav-o-rit "ICONIC" look of the QUEEN M from the past 4 decades and enter in the Madonna Drag Race fer fabuless prizes

and stick around at midnite fer a special performance by yer host Krystal Kleer (umm that's me) that you won't wanna miss...right before the draw'n of tickets to the "REBEL HEART TOUR" @ Xcel Center in St Paul, MN on thursday october 8th
so "JUSTIFY MY LOVE" and be a "GAMBLER" even if yer "MILES AWAY"...just show me yer "REBEL HEART" and "GET TOGETHER" with all young and mold...trannies and grannies...cross that "BORDERLINE"...and get "INTO THE GROOVE" fer the "CELEBRATION" of the season...where we'll all be "LIVING FOR LOVE" of the QUEEN!

so dress to impress...bring ya holla's and ya dolla's
and get off my dress!

Monday, September 21, 2015

little bird

stop your screaming
little bird
the signs up ahead
do not disturb

emotionally delayed
a moment in time
the stars kept on falling
your dreams all unwind

the flood gates keep opening
your thoughts keep on turning
a cold winter nite
the memory...still burning

pull down the shutters
i need to rest
little bird fly away
i'll do my best
for Sean

Monday, September 14, 2015

defying a gravitational pull

remember when defy'n gravity meant watch'n the lovely and talented...
Idina Menzel on broadway?

well kittens...hope ya ain't got yer best Loui Vuitton galoshes on today...
cuz we're gonna be schlepp'n thru piles and piles of saturated CASPER cow pies shit!

of's spotlight dance is with the one and (unfortunately)...
not the only spawner of sanctimoniously sacrilegious cherry pick'n passages and Wal-Mart beauty queen runner-up...Kim Davis

so to catch ya kittens up to speed in case ya missed anything...
this Kentucky fried C-U-Next-Time who is a hired state employee...hired to uphold the laws of the land to the best of her ability...decided a couple months back she was above the law...or rather...that her delusional entity... that she only started worshipp'n 4 years ago as a die'n wish to her mother-n-law the thorn in her side...was the only one she has to answer to...since he signs her fuck'n checks apparently...

thing is Miss a governmental employee...yer religious beliefs don't give you permission to defy the SUPREME COURTS decision
nor to shove them down other peoples throat...the only thing us law abide'n non heterosexuals will allow shoved down our a minimum of 8 inches...*of which i'm not entirely convinced you don't have

so after 4 excruciate'n and embarras'n attempts to tie the knot in their town
only to be denied time after time...the judge decided that Miss Coo Coo Cunt was in contempt of court and tossed this diabetic deity in the let her rethink her position and reread her comic book passages...
i believe some delicious examples are found under leviticus 20:10... mark 10:2-12...deuteronomy 22:19 to name a few...after all she was married 4 times...and if i'm not mistake'n...that's one of the no-no's in her comic book she's basically not only defy'n the law of the land...she's also defy'n the laws of her CASPER
hmmm...does Wal-Mart sell specially designed hail mary rocks...cuz we really outta have one of these everyday...that is if you truly follow the words of yer comic book...
like those do in other lands

well of course after 5 days without any prell shampoo treatments...
her unmanageable mane had now turned to unholy split end'd haystack from she was finally freed under the condition she'd condition her rats nest and that she returns back to work and performs the duties as instructed by the office she holds...
or there will be consequences

leave it to this delusional presimental canidate dipshitter...who think's Kim...

now you know...(well if ya don't)...I DON'T condone their... 
fuck'd up fanatical way of think'n like lincoln logs...but when i started to side with A double snake holes like the Westboro Church condemn'n her many marriages...
now this thrice married harlot (i'll give her the 1st one as the legitimate virginal wart she presumably was) is claim'n "irreparable injury" due to her contorted convictions...hmmm waste'n precious benjamins that could've easily gone to feed'n the homeless or cure'n the sick...don'tcha think?

in case yer still scratch'n yer religious bells over the fuss of this bloated...
twat-swatter's issues with non heterosexual's a handy lil flow chart to her mens-trail cycle to prove the senility of her god fear'n marriages

thing is Kimmie dear...even the kind folk in yer own home town...
have erected a lil lesson about how marriage has already been redefined to fit the i suggest you git yerself some new spectacles and do a lil read'n in that comic book of yers
cuz really...yer act'n like a *DICK in a wig!

in close'n...if you finally decide you can't take the pressure anymore..

the ONLY thing you got right lady is...YOU ARE NO HERO!
yer just a Kentucky fried CUNT waste'n time with the judicial systems...just to "accommodate" yer deeply held "fucked up cherry pick'n beliefs" who's try'na cash in on some diluted fame that will end up bein' hosted by the likes of Kurt Cameron...if YOU don't wanna be in this dimly lit spotlight you've created fer yerself and cannot fulfill yer governmental duties...then YOU know what you need to do..dont'cha kitten DICK?

of course now she's back at'n harder than ever...
on the inside locked away in her office...with her ouija board summon'n up the ghosts of her past present and future personalities...and Roscoe P Coltrane on the outside guard'n her from the "evil doers"...on the tax payers dime...good to see those god fear'n dollars bein' used fer a worthy cause...
Alex i'd like to take "lack of transparency" fer $1000 pleez?

apparently though...after her dismal martyrdumb wore out...

religions come and go...but non heterosexuality has existed since the beginn'n of time and will continue until the end of the only way
 to ever end the non heterosexual race debate means a complete sterilization of the all current female beef curtains out stick that in yer cup of sanctimonious cafe' and choke on it

if you wanna follow a truly encompass'n and empower'n religion...
catch me at the alter sat oct get off my dress!

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

eat me...i'm a danish!'s what's all around us…
we are bombarded by it...24/7...from sunrise to sunset

from morn'n wood

to gett'n as moist as a betty crocker cake down there in the nibbley parts

you can't escape it…no matter how HARD you try!

it's on all our NEED-2-KNOW-NOW nightly news programs

by the check-out counter at yer fav-o-rit non denominational grocier

our schools have become the epicenter of sexually confused battlefields
from the locker room...

to the library

i heard they’re even passing out condoms to kindergarteners these days

even the simplest nursery rhymes taught us about it at an early age...
rub-a-dub-dub…3 men in a tub
(menage a toi’s were socially acceptable and encouraged even back then)

little bo peep…"lost her sheep"
(ya right...they're clearly talk'n about devirginalization here…who knew?)

little miss muffet...blah blah blah...then along came a spider
(looks like missy fergot to add spemicidal jams and jellies to the area)

from goo-goo...

to Blah Blah

from the playground...

to the priesthood

from KD Lang...

to Katy Perry

from Crystal Gayle...

to Krystal Kleer

from Bettie Page...

to Betty White

from Elvis’s hips...

to Jagger’s lips

from a half breed...

to a half twat

from a BOY who looked like a gurl...

to a girl who now is a boi

from an artist formerly known as annoying...

to a former artist that just became annoying

it can be used by one Miss Stone...

or it could just get you dethroned

it's animal instinct...

it'll make you think

it's can be absolutely fabulous

or an absolute mess

it's there for you to enjoy however you want...
with a girl
(not endorse’n necrophilia…this is just an iconic image of sexy to me)

or a boy
( me...i'm available)

just make 100% know what yer doin and what you want...
or get off my dress!

ps...don't ferget to come to the pre-party event of the year...
fer the event of the year!